Lately, I have found myself in discussions about the future and the plans I have. I believe this is so because I am in a transformative stage of life when there are certain expectations from society: one of which is marriage. Among my list of plans is always ‘marriage’ which I am always quick to follow with ‘or singlehood’. Then comes the sudden silence and people looking at me weirdly as if I said a curse word. Now, because I have talked about this subject with a number of people, I always know what questions and reactions to expect.
“ By giving it as an option, aren’t you attracting it to yourself, because you know God gives us the desires of our hearts?”
Most of us must be familiar with this piece by Janet Ikz, 'I will wait for you'. I recently listened to her marriage vows in the sequel and they inspired me to write this piece. She says something in her marriage vows that resonates with my thoughts:
"I vow, not to buy into false romanticism, saying things like 'you complete me' because you don't. In Christ I have already been made complete, the Head over all.”
Marriage is not default. Singlehood is not a bad thing. It is not automatic that each of us will get married and have children. However, this is a reality most of us fail to admit or consider. While some people are married for many years, others lose their spouses to death very early, others are not able to have children, while others do not get married at all. Yet all these people, are on earth for a purpose; one that chiefly glorifies God.
Recently, in one of those discussions someone told me that I would ‘never be complete’ if I did not get a husband and a family of my own.
“I do not need anyone to complete me.”
“That is the problem with you women nowadays, you have become so empowered, you think you no longer need us.”
But that is not the issue here. It is not a question of gender equity.
There is an analogy I like using. You see, when a man and a woman come together in marriage, it is not about two half circles coming together. It is two complete circles intersecting fully and overlapping, to form one complete circle. It is two becoming one flesh. In essence, it is not that each individual would have performed any less without the other, it is only that the two, when they become one,will perform better at achieving a common purpose. It is not about COMPLETING, it is about COMPLEMENTING.
He is the head over every power and authority.”
Don’t keep yourself pure because you are ‘saving yourself’ for your future spouse; observe purity because through it, you glorify God. That way, you will not see purity as virginity only, but as an overall abstinence from anything that is contrary to what you believe. Including that series who's scenes and message you do not agree with but you 'watch anyway'. Eyes are a door to the soul.
Do not learn and teach yourself how to be a gentleman because you want your possible future wife to enjoy that privilege; do it because it will teach you how to be kind and selfless, how to be a protector as a man and how to give up things for the benefit of others: emulating Christ in your acts.
Do not go for a cookery class because you are afraid a man who loves eating(perhaps they all do) might come along. Learn to cook because you want to learn and you think it will make you a better person.
Do not learn how to change a wheel because you are afraid you might end up single and no one will be there to help you change it, learn because you think it is an important life skill.
Do not read the Bible from cover to cover because you want to be that man who is ‘spiritually higher’ than his possible future wife. Read that Bible and do what it says because it will make you the man you ought to be: it will complete you; and if a wife does come along, you will have learnt how to wash her with the Word and perhaps then, you will be 'spiritually higher'.
You do not need anyone to complete you, in Christ you have been made complete.You see, when you delight yourself in the Lord, your desires become aligned to His will. It is only after delighting in Him, that He gives us the desires of your hearts.