Tuesday, March 31, 2015

GUEST POST: S FOR SEX, M FOR MARRIAGE, G FOR GIFT



Today, I’m excited to host my sister on this space. I keep saying that you can only know she has always had your back,  when you are told she used to remove insects from the soil before giving you to eat. You never get to choose your siblings, but you get to choose whether your siblings become your friends. There is wisdom that comes with experience and there is wisdom that comes when you delight yourself in the Lord. I believe my sister has the latter. She has been sharing a series of posts on the different letters of the alphabet since last year and this particular post is on the letter S- S for Sex. Enjoy.

The children stared at me as I wrote on the white board. I could feel their eyes keenly moving along with the strokes of the maker in my hands as I wrote the word ‘SEX’.
I turned to face them; the curious faces of boys and girls approximately ten years old.
“Where did sex come from?” I asked. It was not a rhetorical question.It was a question that no one had probably ever asked them. A question that may have never crossed their minds before. This was two years ago. I had been invited to talk to the children. Although I forget the exact topic I had been asked to talk about, this question was relevant.

I love the earnest nature of children, that inclination to express opinion without fear of condemnation or judgment when a safe environment is provided. 
At first they murmured amongst themselves, and then hands were raised.
 “Shetani (Satan)” one boy confidently said. I was taken aback.
“Wazungu (white people)” another response . The other children agreed synonymously. I laughed. I entirely blame soap operas for that response.
The final answer came from a girl who merely whispered loud enough for me to hear… 
“God.” Pin drop silence characterized the room when I told the children that sex was God’s idea.

Sex conversations are bold conversations.
According to the Kenya Aids Indicator Survey which investigated the sex behavior of children aged 12-14, nine out of ten children interviewed had never had sex ,with three percent saying they did not know what sex was. However, the “All in” campaign which is led by the United Nations, targets among others 10-19 year olds with sex education and HIV prevention products such as condoms, lubricants, microbicides and pre-exposure prevention pills. According to the UN, HIV infections and deaths are highest among this age group.

A good sex education starts with appreciating sexuality.
One of my favorite holiday jobs was ‘babysitting’ (it was more wholesome than a normal babysitting experience ) A memorable experience was when the children and I went shopping .As we were headed back to the car, the boys ran ahead while Chebet and I followed closely behind, holding hands. Suddenly, Chebet said with utmost confidence in her voice, “The boys are walking in front and the girls are behind.” I was amused not only by the statement but by the way she said it. Three year old Chebet knew that she was a girl and she was content walking in the presence of another person who she considered to be female like her. Every child should know and appreciate the fact that they are male or female.

Some things about sex are better done than said. 
Don’t panic. What I mean is that sex involves more than the physical act. It involves the background upon which the act is played out which is marriage. The first book any child will ever read about sex is the one written by its parents. Concerning the influence parents have over their children,in his book, This Momentary Marriage, John Piper writes,

‘The children will have years of exposure to what the universe is like before they know there is a universe. They will experience the kind of authority there is in the universe and the kind of justice there is in the universe and the kind of love there is in the universe before they meet the God of authority and justice and love who created and rules the universe.’ 

Good marriages are the foundation upon which important lessons about sex can be taught with minimal words.
Sex is like a complex matrix that cannot be grasped unless the simple arithmetic of multiplication is first taught. No one can fully understand sex without understanding its source-God himself. Talking about sex without mentioning God is like talking about fish without mentioning the water without which the fish cannot exist in the first place.

Sex in itself points to a creator.
Sex derives its meaning from its creator. Because God is good, sex is good. Like a river, sex needs strong riverbanks if it is to bring life. These banks are real friendship and real commitment which are the basis of marriage. The depravation of sexual behavior in any society alludes to the contamination of the knowledge of God in that society. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. The knowledge of the supremacy of Christ guards and guides our sexuality just like the massive sun, 333,000 times the mass of the earth, holds all the planets in orbit, even little Pluto, 3.6 billion miles away. If Jesus is not the center of our lives, a hundred things will be out of control, and sooner or later they will crash into destruction. There is no shame in talking about sex; the shame is in the silence that leaves our children to the mercy of the instruction of the world. Sex conversations are bold, necessary and important conversations.

From the little experience I have, I know that raising children is not an easy task .May God grant all parents the wisdom and courage it takes to bring up children. For Christians this more than just bringing up children; it is making disciples.
PS-I found the book Sex and the Supremacy of Christ by John Piper and Justin Taylor to be quite insightful on this subject.
S for Sex



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