As the Romance 101 sessions culminated on Friday through a dinner, I came to the realization that there will never be an end to knowledge: there always will be something new to learn in life. I was awed and I am grateful for the impact Johnnie and Maggie (the facilitators) were making to and through us to generations to come. I have learnt many things during those sessions about courtship and marriage and many times I silently wished I knew my husband so that I could make sure we attended them together. It is probably one of those things I should include in this letter. I was particularly challenged by the question Gary Thomas asks in his book, Sacred Marriage, that what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? And what if your relationship isn't as much about you and your spouse as it is about you and God?
What if marriage and relationships ought to truly mirror the relationship between Christ and the Church in a way that chiefly glorifies God and is not just a sacred covenant with someone else?
On Friday, more couples joined us and got to share on some of their marriage and courtship experiences. I was particularly challenged by a question one of the men posed to the ladies: What if after going through these sessions and probably having been in a relationship before you do not get married? What if the years pass by and the so called biological clock ticks on with no one showing up? Will you still hold on to your faith and continue to live in purity? Will you still worship God the same way you worship him right now when you are almost sure that marriage is for you?
There is peace that comes when you actually answer these questions. This peace comes from the knowledge that it’s all for the glory of God; that we are constantly being pointed to Christ; that by being in a relationship with someone we are only being helped to know God better, trust him more fully, and love Him more deeply. It is this realization that should drive us to constantly seek purity in a relationship under the guidance of a mentor. It is the same peace that enables us to pursue a relationship with someone in spite of their past. It is this very peace that keeps people together when, after many years in marriage they have no children. At some stage in life, I let go of a man from my life for the sole purpose of pursuing Christ. I realized that if I actually loved him, the thought of him and I in heaven would be greater than the thought of him and I on earth. If I actually loved that man and thought that I could change him, then God must have loved him more and would do anything to win his soul.
Everything about life is filled with capacity to reveal more about God. We are not only meant to pray for our future spouses; prayer is overall. Pray at all times and for everything. Be deliberate and intentional in becoming the person you want to be. If you want a Proverbs 31 woman, be a Job 31 man. Ask whether that person you admire would make a spectacular grandparent for your future grandchildren. Above all, be the best you can be that even if no one comes along, you remain that: the best, for the glory of God.